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Beloved Friend,
If you reading this section on grief because you have lost a loved one, Baldwin and I sincerely grieve with you upon your loss, and pray that God wraps His loving arms around you to give you comfort and strength beyond all understanding in Jesus’ name. The feeling that your world has turned upside down is a natural response to a significant loss. If you are experiencing feelings of disbelief, confusion, difficulty concentrating, anger, resentment, agitation, fear, anxiety, restlessness, and/or sleeplessness, please know that these are some of the common reactions during grief. You are not losing your mind!
We hope that this information will help you to move into the “new normal” that is awaiting you as you move forward in your life because YOU WILL SURVIVE, even if you may not feel that it is possible to feel any type of normalcy again. Grief has a beginning, middle, and end. “It might feel very far off, but nature is on your side and it is a powerful ally. Tell yourself, often, “I am alive. I will survive!” You are alive and You will survive! (Excerpted from How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Harold H. Bloomfield; It is an outstanding highly recommended book to buy to help you on a healthy/good grief journey.)
Good grief or healthy grief is to respond to a death or other loss by feeling sad, feeling all your emotional reactions, and sharing these emotions with a safe and caring person, someone who helps you to experience God's loving presence. His promise is that He will help you make it through this very difficult time in your life.
GriefShare is a program that helps to promote healthy grieving and can be found at griefshare.org. Go to their website to find local meetings. My neighbor, who lost his wife to cancer only after finding out the diagnosis three months before she died said, “GriefShare saved my life.” My sister-in-law took GriefShare five times after my brother-in-law died and ended up helping many others who lost loved ones. They both are now living a “new normal” life and are leading productive lives without their spouses. Of course, the fond memories with their loved ones will always remain deeply in their hearts.
Know that God does not waste suffering. Your greatest ministry will come out of your greatest pain. One day, when you are stronger, you will know that sharing your painful journey can be used to help another get through her/his suffering upon the death of their loved one. If you let it, your pain is someone else’s gain. Your test is your testimony and your mess is your ministry to help another.
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:34
Grief Support
They whom we love and lose
are no longer where they were before.
They are now wherever we are.
St. John Chrysostom
God’s promises to you in your time of grief:
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matt 5:4
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 32:18
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
God can ultimately, turn your suffering and grief into good through his infinite resourcefulness. He can accomplish things through you that couldn’t have happened otherwise if it were not for your suffering. This is called post-traumatic growth as opposed to post-traumatic disorder.
I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world, you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world. John 16:33 NCV
Action Steps After a Loved One Dies
When You Died
It was the biggest shock of my life
Nothing Prepared Me for It.
I live each day wondering how I will get through it
Then I remember that you would want me to.
Anonymous
The Promise of Eternal Life
God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but will have eternal life. John 3:16
Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. John 11:25-26
God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4
Something to Consider Before You Die.
Do you know your purpose before your earthly death? God made everyone ON purpose, FOR a purpose. You were not a mistake. Are you fulfilling your purpose?
Penny Wittbrodt's Near Death Experience (NDE) and how she got out of the void. She learned some very powerful lessons and found out why forgiveness is so important.
Links to helpful information:
What Not to Say When Someone Dies
The best advice is to show up and shut up. Fewer words are best when someone is deeply suffering. You just being there, in person, to show support speaks volumes for your caring character.
Becoming Resilient in the Face of Grief by Amy Delcambre document
How to explain death to a child
Death of a Co-worker or Their Loved One
How Long Does It Take to Grieve by Holly Prigerson
Untangling Trauma and Grief After Loss
Life Will Be Good Again by Rhonda Lane
Henry Scott-Holland (1847 - 1918), a priest at St. Paul's Cathedral of London
Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room; I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, still call me by my old familiar name; Speak to me in the easy way you always used with no difference in your tone; Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow; Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we always enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me; Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort -- Without the ghost of a shadow in it. Life means all that it ever meant; It is the same as it ever was; There is absolute unbroken continuity. What is death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval, somewhere very near; Just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Father God, in whom we live and move and have our being, we enter Your gates with thanksgiving and into Your courts with praise. We put this Precious Person into the palms of Your hands for healing and wholeness upon the loss of her/his loved one. Give them strength and comfort beyond all understanding during this extremely sad and difficult time in their lives. On the hardest days, hold them in Your loving arms and rock them like a baby comforting them with Your love. Help them take one step at a time and give them the strength to do what they have to do to take care of the immediate needs of the situation. Give them wisdom, knowledge, and understanding in moving forward in their lives to accomplish their purpose on earth. Have them become the awesome person that You want them to become in their new life without their loved one(s). Pour the Fruit of the Spirit into them of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Pour deeply into their hearts the assurance that you will never leave them nor forsake them. Thank you for answering prayer, in Jesus’ name, amen and amen!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 5:13
Benediction
The Lord bless you, and keep you [protect you, sustain you, and guard you];
The Lord make His face shine upon you [with favor],
And be gracious to you [surrounding you with lovingkindness];
The Lord lift up His countenance (face) upon you [with divine approval],
And give you peace [a tranquil heart and life].
Numbers 6:24-26, Amplified